After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And then he peed in my hair
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
