Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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