just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
