you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
