We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
