so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
