i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
