you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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