I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
