i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
