NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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