Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
