; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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