You really coming over, don't trick.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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