THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
