Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
