Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
