using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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