Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
