I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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