1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
