it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
