You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
