Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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