..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
