fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
