How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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