It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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