Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Randomize
