We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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