You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The air taste purple.
Randomize
