Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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