Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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