then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
