Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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