wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just tell him i said nine months
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
