I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
