i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
