so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
