please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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