...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
