Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize