By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
