I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
