i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
being pregnant is like rehab
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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