blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
