That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
PANTIES FOUND
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