I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize