So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
