It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
