my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
