So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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