someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
