we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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