Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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