just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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