i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
