I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
