Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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