that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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