i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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