So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
