GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
