Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize