I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
