Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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