thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
