oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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