you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
