If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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