god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
